I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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