Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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