if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
