Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
