dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
