You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
