I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
