she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
