I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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