just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
