My room smells like vodka and shame
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
