My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
