It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
