I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
