You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
