i don't like sucking hair
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
