ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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