4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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