i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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