can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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