Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
