ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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