U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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