the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
