He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
