It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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