you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
