does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Found your dick twin last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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