I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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