Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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