While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
