Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
