I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
