I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
