Whoa Z and x make the same sound
barbara walters just said penis...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
