I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
