Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
