Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
