Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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