Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
