I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
