a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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