took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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