i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
