my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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