Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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