he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
