Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
