White coat. Heels.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
