My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
