his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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