She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
